I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize