After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
