textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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