dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
