It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize