the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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