What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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