As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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