alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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