let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
