8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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