Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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