I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
