new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Dear god my vagina.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
