she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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