it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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