she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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