The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i barfeds in our rink
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
