I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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