i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
