Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
