this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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