she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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