We're facebook friends in real life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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