Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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