Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
