Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize