sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
