its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
