please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
