I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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