Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
