Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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