when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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