Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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