I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
