problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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