i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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