What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
