then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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