...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
