Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
