$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
