Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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