if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
