that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
