Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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