so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
