Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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