you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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