i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dicks are not precious.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
