glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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