we're blogging at a bar
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
