Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i drank out of a bidet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
