all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
so much tequila, so little girl.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
