dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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