I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
