Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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