Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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