so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
