i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
