I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
