I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize