I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
