I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
