why didn't you poke me back
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
