Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You smell like stripper and shame
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize