oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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