...so i touched it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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