Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
